he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
