I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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