So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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