Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
