We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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