she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
