Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
