Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You made out with two different species that night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
