When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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