can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize