remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
