he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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