Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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