sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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