In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
