Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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