you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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