Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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