All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
