Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
