I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
