oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
