ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
