god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
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I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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