well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
