WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
