I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
