Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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