I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize