ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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