at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
