$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
