New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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