First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
