When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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