Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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