I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
