I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
