rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
