The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
