I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
