i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
