I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
