so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
