i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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