Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
