Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
