So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
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I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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