i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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