I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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