so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
