Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
