Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
