question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
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Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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