yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
