So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
