At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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