Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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