i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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