I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
