Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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