tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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