After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
