My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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