I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
