You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
