I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
