It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize