I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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