Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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