OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
