I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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