I think my fart just growled at me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish you could order shots online.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
