someone get that fucking seahorse.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
