Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
