Sry I called you an 8
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
