I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize