I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
