this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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