and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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