Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
